I was thinking about you today as I was talking with my friend and it makes me sad how you have become such a far part of my past that I forget how great the times we spent together were. I found myself lumping you into the category of things I left behind in my past, but ended up correcting myself instantly cause so much of what I do is because of those late night conversations we’d have, the days we would spend trying to be productive but not really do anything, the really hard times of not knowing where our lives were going and making stupid choices but in the end we had each other to bitch to and cry to and that made things better in the moment. That year we spent as best friends was literally the worst year of my life if I took you out of the picture, but having you as my best friend made it worth it because it changed me and made me better now. It feels like its been such a long time but I still feel like we have a connection even if its unspoken and never communicated because you were my sister and I will always care about you and I find myself still remembering little things we’d say or going to our old hang out spot and missing you. I am happy we are both finally happy and moving on, its a nice feeling. I was going through my phone earlier today and deleting pictures and I couldn’t bring myself to delete our adventures (even tho they are taking up a shit ton of space and I can’t download the new version of iOS8 lol), they still make me happy remembering the desert, and random party pics we’s take (oh and I still have the pic of bad ass mother fucker from spring break lol) We had some good times. Just wanted to reminiscence a little and if you see this let you know I still think about you and love you C.
I kind of want to know what goes through your head when we hang out, but that is a road I do not know if I want to go down just yet. I do not want to open the door to that conversation if there is something there and I am unsure what I feel but at the same time it might be nice to know if there is nothing there and I can just stop rolling the thought over in my mind. Not knowing doesn’t even make me anxious or mad like it has in the past because either way I just like being in your company and having a friend to spend time with. If this is what it feels like to have a healthy normal friendship then I really like it and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it. Things could not have happened in better timing lately. I finally feel like my life is falling into place like I finally pressed the play button after putting my life on pause for a few years. I love my school, my classmates, my professors, my job, and my friends and most importantly i finally love myself. A year ago I NEVER would have said that so it is nice to finally see things the way I should and stop being so hard on myself. I started feeling this way after we became good friends and I think having a decent guy friend who has no false intentions and genuinely likes me as a person has helped a lot along with figuring out the only way to move on is to grow up. I’ve been so attached to memories, both good and bad, that I haven’t had much desire to move on from those, after replaying those moments for years I have finally decided to make some new memories and be a new person. This is what starting with a clean slate feels like.
one time when my dad was in college these guys found a carpet on the sidewalk and they needed furniture for their dorm so they were like “hell yeah free carpet” and they carried the carpet upstairs and it was really wet and heavy so they unrolled it to let it dry and a dead body fell out
I’M NOT SHITTING YOU