IM MAKING A PIE AND I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IODINE IN IT INSTEAD OF VANILLA EXTRACT
I ALMOST FED THIS PIE TO MY FAMILY
I WAS GOING TO FEED THIS PIE TO MY CLASSMATES
I WAS ABOUT TO MURDER PEOPLE THROUGH PIE
LIKE LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIE
DOESNT IT LOOK NICE
DONT YOU WANT TO EAT IT
TOO FUCKING BAD ITS POISONOUS YOU’LL DIE
HOW DO YOU MIX UP IODINE AND VANILLA EXTRACT
WHY DO YOU HAVE IODINE IN THE KITCHEN
WHY DO YOU HAVE IT AT ALL
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
omg the new batman movie actually looks really good u guys
Happy Classic Joke Wednesday!
what if there were professional text post critics
Witty and insightful. A must-reblog post. Suspense from lack of punctuation and resolution leaves the reader pondering possibilities late into the night.
hey remember when in the first Captain America movie Steve never once backed down from a fight
and then in Winter Soldier he stops fighting for the first time ever at the end of the movie just cause it’s Bucky
10 Facts about Spongebob
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Lust (Spongebob) - our final analogy is probably the least apparent because we typically think of ‘lust’ in a sexual sense. However, the alternative definition for lust is simply “a passionate desire for something”. In this sense of the word, it cannot be denied that our absorbent yellow friend is an extremely lustful creature. Spongebob has a lust for life that is incomparable to most other cartoon characters - he yearns for the affections of both friend and foe alike, is eager to please, and will often stop at nothing to complete a task.
keep fuckin walkin you postman piece of shit
This is very important if you’re ever in a situation similar this pretend that you’re dead don’t scream and @#!*%
my dad told us this if someone shoots up our school
PLEASE REMEMBER THIS
not even a joke we learned this in Police Explorers and put it on your clothing as well but go quickly because you don’t know where the person is.
i will never not reblog this