La Vita Bella

sometimes the beautiful life isn't always pretty

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C,
I was thinking about you today as I was talking with my friend and it makes me sad how you have become such a far part of my past that I forget how great the times we spent together were. I found myself lumping you into the category of things I left behind in my past, but ended up correcting myself instantly cause so much of what I do is because of those late night conversations we’d have, the days we would spend trying to be productive but not really do anything, the really hard times of not knowing where our lives were going and making stupid choices but in the end we had each other to bitch to and cry to and that made things better in the moment. That year we spent as best friends was literally the worst year of my life if I took you out of the picture, but having you as my best friend made it worth it because it changed me and made me better now. It feels like its been such a long time but I still feel like we have a connection even if its unspoken and never communicated because you were my sister and I will always care about you and I find myself still remembering little things we’d say or going to our old hang out spot and missing you. I am happy we are both finally happy and moving on, its a nice feeling. I was going through my phone earlier today and deleting pictures and I couldn’t bring myself to delete our adventures (even tho they are taking up a shit ton of space and I can’t download the new version of iOS8 lol), they still make me happy remembering the desert, and random party pics we’s take (oh and I still have the pic of bad ass mother fucker from spring break lol) We had some good times. Just wanted to reminiscence a little and if you see this let you know I still think about you and love you C.
-M 

C,

I was thinking about you today as I was talking with my friend and it makes me sad how you have become such a far part of my past that I forget how great the times we spent together were. I found myself lumping you into the category of things I left behind in my past, but ended up correcting myself instantly cause so much of what I do is because of those late night conversations we’d have, the days we would spend trying to be productive but not really do anything, the really hard times of not knowing where our lives were going and making stupid choices but in the end we had each other to bitch to and cry to and that made things better in the moment. That year we spent as best friends was literally the worst year of my life if I took you out of the picture, but having you as my best friend made it worth it because it changed me and made me better now. It feels like its been such a long time but I still feel like we have a connection even if its unspoken and never communicated because you were my sister and I will always care about you and I find myself still remembering little things we’d say or going to our old hang out spot and missing you. I am happy we are both finally happy and moving on, its a nice feeling. I was going through my phone earlier today and deleting pictures and I couldn’t bring myself to delete our adventures (even tho they are taking up a shit ton of space and I can’t download the new version of iOS8 lol), they still make me happy remembering the desert, and random party pics we’s take (oh and I still have the pic of bad ass mother fucker from spring break lol) We had some good times. Just wanted to reminiscence a little and if you see this let you know I still think about you and love you C.

-M 

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I kind of want to know what goes through your head when we hang out, but that is a road I do not know if I want to go down just yet. I do not want to open the door to that conversation if there is something there and I am unsure what I feel but at the same time it might be nice to know if there is nothing there and I can just stop rolling the thought over in my mind. Not knowing doesn’t even make me anxious or mad like it has in the past because either way I just like being in your company and having a friend to spend time with. If this is what it feels like to have a healthy normal friendship then I really like it and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it. Things could not have happened in better timing lately. I finally feel like my life is falling into place like I finally pressed the play button after putting my life on pause for a few years. I love my school, my classmates, my professors, my job, and my friends and most importantly i finally love myself. A year ago I NEVER would have said that so it is nice to finally see things the way I should and stop being so hard on myself. I started feeling this way after we became good friends and I think having a decent guy friend who has no false intentions and genuinely likes me as a person has helped a lot along with figuring out the only way to move on is to grow up. I’ve been so attached to memories, both good and bad, that I haven’t had much desire to move on from those, after replaying those moments for years I have finally decided to make some new memories and be a new person. This is what starting with a clean slate feels like. 

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21 People On What They Would Tell Their 19-Year-Old Selves

Jonathan, 55:
There is no such thing as “the only one”. You will meet lots of “the ones”. Only commit when the timing is right for the both of you – that can take years for some, and that’s okay.
Miranda, 24:
Drop pre-med.
Isaac, 48:
Deodorant does not count as a shower, and that haircut only looked good on Bon Jovi.
Anya, 42:
Make the conscious decision to be happy, and then stick with it. Society will do everything in its power to convince you that your personal happiness is dependent on something external – beauty, success, wealth, etc. – it isn’t.
Parker, 55:
60% of the things you think are important now won’t matter a whit to you by the time you reach 50. The trick is to figure out the important 40% and work it.
Megan, 34:
He doesn’t love you, and you will be okay.
Peter, 58:
Don’t let anything stand in your way of taking part (or all) of your junior year abroad. You’ll never again have quite the same opportunity to experience a foreign land, for an extended period of time, in your youth. It is destined to be one of the most memorable aspects of your life.
Eleanor, 67:
Talk less. Listen more.
Donald, 27:
There’s a huge difference between who you want to be and who everyone around you wants you to be. Figure out which is which.
Camille, 56:
Always remember: when falling off a horse, pull your tongue in.
Jackson, 57:
No one knows anything for sure. They’re all just doing the best they can with what they have, just like you.
Vicki, 47:
You’ll never have all the answers, so make every question count.
Donald, 38:
You don’t have to grow up to be the dad you never had.
Katelyn, 30:
Make the most out of college. You will never again be at a place where your only goal is to learn. Learn a lot, learn often, and learn with reckless abandon.
Joshua, 55:
Women love to laugh.
Annabelle, 38:
Drugs are not beautiful, glamorous or opulent. They are not a remedy, a solution, a cure-all, or a cure-anything.
Colin, 50:
You miss so much life when you sleep until 3 PM. Wake up to see sunrises; they are the most stunning of nature’s masterpieces.
Eleanor, 26:
Eating two pints of ice cream won’t make you happy. Neither will sprinting 10 miles. Be nice to yourself.
Aaron, 52:
Don’t forget to ask that girl in the Oberlin library what kind of perfume she’s wearing. You’ll buy it for her in 20 years.
Scarlett, 54:
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Those that get you will love you, those that don’t, well, their loss. Just remember: Wherever you are, it’s a party.
Zack, 9:
I hope you’re awesome. And be nice to girls.